THERE’S a reason footy players get paid so much, and it’s not just because they’re good at footy.
Much of the cash comes from the expectation that they’ll be forced into the spotlight, sometimes to do incredibly stupid and pointless promo shots.
And nobody is immune. From league legends to reserve grade battlers, almost every player or coach has a photo they regret. Here’s a small selection of the best.
*We’re not even sure what’s going on here. Is it that James Rahilly, Cameron Ling and David Spriggs are going to do the heavy lifting with Ben Graham injured? Is it something to do with the Team of Century jumper that Benny appears to be tugging on to make sure it’s seen?
It will forever be a mystery with only one certainly – Lingy’s jeans are a fucking disgrace.
*Cameron Mooney. Rugged. Masculine. Aggressive. Unable to say no to shit promo shots. This genius idea was for the big Geelong forward to have a makeover, complete with disturbingly straight hair that looks like it belongs in a Latvian nightclub in 2002. Awful.
*Captioned “Geelong’s Jason Mooney and Simon Arnott are ready to steal the four points from Melbourne this week”, this promo shot is the epitome of shit. If only someone had nicked the photographers film before the shoot.
*Remember those glamour calendars footy players used to do where they’d dress up in something ridiculous, or dress down in nothing but oil? Spud Frawley and Stewart Loewe hark back to those simpler times in this shot, back when guns were sexy and Spud hadn’t ruined his reputation by trying to coach the Tigers.
*Dean Laidley, at a junkyard, because his nickname is the Junkyard Dog. Subtle as a brick in the face.
*Lethal Leigh Matthews has one of great “shit promo shot” portfolios, but this picture for CP Air (???) is notable for Don Scott’s god awful fashion sense. The open shirt, the scarf, the chain, the hair … it’s all enough to make us gag. Yet we have no doubt Don doesn’t regret his choices at all.
*”Yeah mate, just lay in the leaves all natural and shit. It’ll make you look thoughtful and intelligent. Nah nah, you don’t look like a wanker at all”
*Back before Eddie McGuire subsisted on the nothing but air diet, he demanded he be fed sausages exclusively by Dermott Brereton. Weird unit.
*We love a good historical picture. Here, Essendon coach Kevin Sheedy speaks to Mark Harvey from the coaches box to request a tactics change on field. Circa 1924.
*We’ve got a bunch of Richo promo shots in the shit promo shot folders, and most of them involve him with a woman doing something stupid. Here, he learns about the difference between his individual achievements and club achievements in a hands on illustration of having one’s cake and eating it too.
*No Wayne, she’s not available for lease.
*We were going to go with just one Lethal picture, but this one’s too good not to expose to the world. Promoting a trip to watch the NFL, somebody told Lethal it was a good idea to wear the pads without the jersey. We’re not even sure he’s wearing pants.
*The best. There are no more words to describe this picture. We’ll miss you Rocket, but we’ll particularly miss your willingness to take any photo that’s asked of you. In Rod we trust.